How It All Started, In My Own Words

Hi there. I’m Erin Marie. A girl who was born on the wrong side of the tracks in STL and grew up dirt poor. Low self esteem was just a way of life.

Today, you might hear people call me the AMBITIOUS AF girl. We’ll get to that in a minute. But first, I want to bring you back to a series of events when I was ready to end it all.

At 16 I ran away from a physically abusive stepfather who liked to watch porn in the living room with me and my little sister in the house. Never when my mother was around. That would’ve been taboo.

By 17 I got caught up in a trap house with drug dealers, pimps, and felons who used my body repeatedly as a way to collect rent. To me, it was scarier to get out of that place and live on the streets. I still don’t know how I got the courage to leave the only place that I thought of as a sanctuary. Twisted, I know.

By 18 I was standing in front of the judge with a crim record. I had no self esteem and no direction in life. The asst district attorney asked for the maximum. The judge awarded leniency. He said I didn’t belong in jail. I’m forever grateful to that man.

By 19, I finally had enough money to sign for my own apartment in Daytona Beach. In less than 72 hours, four men kicked down my front door in the middle of the night while I was sleeping and I was staring at the face of violence next to my kitchen. I still fight them in my dreams. Sometimes I win.

By 20 I was slamming alcohol night after night. Until one morning I couldn’t remember how I made it back to my apartment. I do remember there were three guys hovered over me. But that’s normal right? To be touched. To be desired. They didn’t bother shutting my front door when they left. Chivalry at its finest.

By 21 I was a full blown anorexic. Body dysmorphia gained strength in my mind. I discovered that I could reject food so long as I didn’t go more than three days straight. Men like skinny girls, right? Not their fault. Men don’t usually hear about other types of bodies. It’s not in the magazines.

By 22 I was living hand to mouth with a baby girl… barely $12 to my name at any given time. I slept on the floor for 3 years in the corner of our apartment. The little money I had was to feed my kiddo. I went for days with just water and cans of peas. That’s what normal looks like when you’re a baby who has a baby.

By 24 my own death consumed my thoughts and I made a plan to end everything. ‘This world would be better off without me, right? ‘I’m pathetic. I’m worthless. I’m not doing anything with my life. I don’t deserve to live.’ Then I prayed really, really hard for a sign. And then I thought, ‘let’s see what tomorrow brings,’ So I stuck around another day.

By 27 I was the front seat passenger in a car with a driver who suddenly decided to end their own life. I was slammed straight into a concrete wall. I died that night. The ambulance raced me to the ER, braced in a C-collar, with no movement to the right side of my body and spine twisted in the wrong direction. I’ve never prayed so hard to live. Irony at its finest.

If you think all that’s fuxked up I can assure you, there’s more to my journey. Much more.

I know what it’s like to self medicate.

I know what it’s like to chase validation.

And I know what it’s like to feel completely hopeless.

That’s the struggle that caused immense shame that compounded as I searched for the reason why I exist on this planet.

Until one day I decided to dust off my courage and find my fire.

I embraced everything that I hated about myself.

And started doing the real work that made me feel like an outsider in my own skin; emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, spiritually.

That’s when I walked away from everyone and everything I knew and did a cannon ball off the high dive straight into a new way of life and never looked back.

I started scribbling my inner most thoughts and began posting them openly on social media.

For the first time ever, I talked about my fear of embarrassment and battle with body dysmorphia.

I started filming videos and posting them on social media – which was crazy because I hate the way I look. But, I reminded people to do more for others and to chase their most ambitious desires.

And I started calling out the victim mentality, people who cut corners, and the bullshxt ‘burnout’ narrative that begs people to give up on themselves.

And then I posted videos with a call to action at the end saying, ‘let this be the permission you need to go be AMBITIOUS AS FUXK!’

And holy hell… I wasn’t expecting what happened next.

You know what people started calling these posts and videos?

‘Inspirational.’ ‘Motivational.’ ‘Encouraging.’ ‘Exactly what I needed to hear today.’ ‘The female Joe Rogan!’

What?!

That was so crazy to me.

Truth be told I was just talking to myself in these videos and posts. It was a way to keep tabs on my own journey… using those posts and videos as markers for my ascent. Kinda like an open diary.

That’s how AMBITIOUS AF was born.

In case you’re a little slow on the uptake, AF stands for AS FUXK.

Soon, I started teaching people what I know about going from being a dirt-poor runaway and two-time college dropout to birthing a six-figure business model from scratch with nothing but relentless ambition.

I mixed in some resilience, grit, and self-worth… all rooted in stone-cold reality, not some bullshxt coaching frameworks that don’t do shxt in real life.

Why?

Because I’ve dug myself out of the mud with my bare hands from pure hell… more than once… that’s how I can shine a light for others.

And now…

If I could narrow down all the goals of my life into one it would be this…

Dedicating myself to helping others realize the importance of NOT BRING AFRIAD TO LIVE.

It’s actually an obligation for me.

That’s why I’m so passionate about my mission: to help people feel valued in a world that places everyone and everything else first.

And what people takeaway most is, ‘that girl swears like a sailor.’ Ha!

Maybe I get it from my father who served two tours in Vietnam for the United States Navy?

But seriously, there’s nothing more I want than to take a match and burn everything to the ground at times.

Leave that weight of the world on my shoulders behind forever.

And then I think about all the people I would be letting down if I dropped everything and said ‘fuxk this!’

And I use that fuel to purposefully barricade myself straight into the LONELINESS that comes with this journey.

And I decide to SHOW UP and be VULNERABLE out loud in front of millions of people worldwide.

And I decide train my body HARD AF.

And I decide to prioritize my BRAIN HEALTH.

And I FIGHT like my entire world is ENDING one minute at a time.

And I PRAY for my SUFFERING to become greater so i can make my spiritual iron SHARP AF…

…because that’s what’s REQUIRED when you know you were put on this earth to do more and become more.

This journey I’m inside isn’t about me.

It’s about my KIDDOS.

It’s about YOU.

And it’s about those watching me who i don’t even realize are watching but are INSPIRED by my lived journey.

Because I’ve clawed myself out of the jaws of hell and made it out…

…bruised, battered, broken, nearly lifeless…

…more than once…

…and I’m here to light that pathway for you.

Real bright like.

Let’s go. In tandem. Shoulder to shoulder.

Place all those burdens on your back while I show you how to carry that shxt out of the gates of hell like a champion.

I can run with broken legs. And so can you.

I’m built for those miles. And so are you.

I got that road map. And I’ll share it with you.

Every single day.

I’ll breathe that ambition straight into you.

And that’s what it’s about.

Going back into the gates of hell and having the courage to show others how it’s done.

I’ve got that courage.

Enough for both of us.

Plenty to go around.

Take my hand…

…and let’s fuxkin’ light this bitxh up together!

I’ve got you my love.

For life. ❤️🤍💙

With fire and love,

-Erin Marie (the one who hopes you win!)